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inner confidence

"A girl should be two things. Who and what she wants."

- Coco Chanel

inner confidence

Confidence is a feeling that one can have faith in something or someone. Inner confidence is therefore a belief that you can have faith in yourself. It gives us the ability to trust in our intuition and validate our emotions. Feeling confident suppresses the need for other peoples' approval as we are no longer seeking their love in order to fill a void.

Why do we lack confidence?

Our internal wounds

Nobody is born loving themselves. People are born a blank canvas therefore the value you put on yourself has to do with subconscious programming. In other words, the negative, self-sabotaging conversation replaying in your mind .It could be the need to make everything perfect, or the fear of criticism. Ultimately, there will be some internal wound which is holding you back. Most wounds come from childhood and digging into your past is not always easy, but necessary as having a low sense of self-worth affects multiple aspects of our adult lives

Co-dependency and People Pleasing

Signs of low confidence

In relationships, having confidence prevents us from settling for less than we deserve. A tell tale sign of low confidence is co-dependency. Co-dependents struggle to set and enforce boundaries.They are easily manipulated and find it difficult to break free of abusive cycles. Confidence allows you to accept people for who they are and walk away if that doesn’t match your standards. Our standards begin levelling up just as our confidence increases. Knowing a situation is wrong but still feeling unable to leave, stems from a lack of inner confidence. When you are perfectly happy in your own skin, only then will you attract a worthy partner. 

Once we understand that our lack of self-worth comes from the stories we tell ourselves, becoming more confident seems achievable. Since confidence means trusting in who we are, it eliminates the need to make everyone happy. People pleasers fear criticism and their opinions sway in accordance to their company. This makes it  impossible to feel secure as strong personalities constantly dominate. We strive to be perfect because we lack a healthy dose of pride. Compliments end up meaning nothing if you see little value in yourself. Being successful means nothing if you are never satisfied.

Become your own best friend..

Self-validation

 Although hearing praise from others is great, it is not something you can rely on. Depending on other people to constantly boost your confidence is impossible. People are on their own journey and are dealing with their own wounds. Therefore, our happiness is our responsibility and we have to be able to validate ourselves. It is more rewarding to express admiration for ourselves than to be admired by others. 

"The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual pn the planet."

- Mohadesa Najumi

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